Blessing Story: I Couldn’t Admit That I Deserved Her
From low self-esteem to happy husband and father. How did Don do it? Honesty.
When you think of the idea of preparing for the Blessing, it can sound like a very abstract idea. Like, how do you even do that? Or you might be really full of thoughts like there's so much to do. But really, your preparation for the Blessing starts when you're born. When you start developing any kind of love or any kind of heart, then inherently, you are making slow but sure steps toward being able to develop your conjugal heart and conjugal love [the relationship between husband and wife].
“Your preparation for the Blessing starts when you're born.”
One of the things that I needed to learn and understand was self-love when I was young, throughout the entire time I've been alive. I've had self-esteem issues. That's just been how it's been. That was something that I really had to work through. I didn't think it was an issue. I thought that I could go my whole life with self-esteem issues after I admitted them because I thought it was humbling. I thought I could kind of spin this into something that was positive. It was something that didn't take away too much from my life. But it started interfering with my relationship and my ability to be matched.
I mean, I saw the person who was perfect for me, and I couldn't admit that I deserved her. Because I thought she was so amazing, and her [matching] profile was [up] here, and mine was down here. I had no idea why she had any interest in me whatsoever. My self-esteem was getting in the way of me developing myself and having a sense of self-identity.
“My self-esteem was getting in the way.”
It's ideal to figure that out your inner challenges before the matching [intentional engagement] process. I figured it out during, and that was okay. I was able to work through it, and Natascha was able to understand it. Now it's something that we're both aware of and that we manage. So just knowing your inner challenges, being able to communicate with them, and then your partner being able to honestly say whether or not they're willing to help you manage it. In what ways and being able to communicate and compromise those challenges. That's what it's all about. That's all you have to do.
We had a conversation [during our intentional engagement process] once where we were talking about what's the most important quality to have [in a relationship], and the one that I threw under the bus was honesty. I was like, “Well, do you really need to be honest if you have everything else? I mean, what if they break the TV and lie?” Like, I was always sympathetic during sitcoms when a character would do something like that.
“As long as you're honest...you can get through just about anything.”
Over the course of our relationship, it has revealed that, no, actually, honesty is probably the number one thing. You could be not very good at anything else. If you're inconsistent with all kinds of things, but as long as you're honest about it, you can get through just about anything.
